


What if ?

by seventhtimes



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 13:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15341133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seventhtimes/pseuds/seventhtimes
Summary: I'm french, I'm translating my own story just for pleasure, but if you want to correct some mistakes feel free ! (Original : https://www.wattpad.com/story/154806060-what-if )What if during episode 10 of season 2, Nick had taken a decision that could get them killed or get them free ?





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just like it is written in the summary, I'm french and I'm translating my own story, if anyone here want to correct some mistakes or sentences that are a bit weird feel free to leave a comment ! 
> 
> Feel free to post a comment for any reasons actually, it is always good to get some opinion on my work.
> 
> This is not the first time I'm writting a story, but the first time I'm translating one.

What if Nick and June made it out ?

 

They still had a few minutes to drive. A few minutes before freedom, a few minutes and after they will be able to breath again. A few minutes before Nick could loosen his jaw and the knuckles turned white, his hands clenched for hours on the steering wheel. They had passed the checkpoints. Never mind, he could not take it anymore, June was about to give birth, and the "goodbyes" with Hannah had given him the certtitude that he had to act. It was desesperate, he knew it. He had basically took the opportunity, no matter what. June could just pretend to have been forced to go with him, that she doesn't have the choice, he'd lied if they got caught. To keep her safe, to keep _them_ safe.

 

*

 

Nick had driven to where Watterford had asked, and before Hannah finally left, he had made his decision. He grabbed the guardian before he could get into the car, gave him a blow to the back of his neck, and then retrieved his machine gun. He knew that the lacrosse shot at that place would be worth a lot of trouble later for the guardian, if he survived. And finally he had taken a look to the martha. She, she had the choice. Panicked, but decided, she had chosen to come. Nick had seen in June's look surprise and emotion. He had checked, where the gas bar was the highest and they get in the car. A GPS tracker was installed in each car, his was disabled for the time required for their getaway, he simply decided to detach it and break the craft in the snow. No risks. Even if he could tamper with it so that it does not come back on itself..We can never be too careful.

 

Checkpoints in this area had been surprisingly lower. The Canada was so close, but strangely, The Commanders has certainly assumed that those already out of cities would be enough dissuasive. The advantage had been that Nick had in his possession the necessary pass to a certain place, moreover his eye status granted him some privileges. He had only to pretend to be on a surveillance mission, to present the passes he had in his possession and no further searches were undertaken. The first two check posts had been easy. Except then, he no longer had the necessary pass, and above all, his status, so far from his assignment, would not change much. So he had simply tried to avoid one, the 4x4 had allowed them to cut through the paths in forests, although longer, it had saved them from trouble. But for the last one.. Nick no longer has any choice. He had been thinking about it all along the way, and his decision was confirmed when he saw June tense in her seat. He had placed his right hand usually on the gear lever, on her left knee. He had never done that, but he could easily get used to it.

 

**\- Are ou okay ?**  Nick asked.

Since their departure nobody had dared to speak, and break the silence after several hours punctuated by their breathing, seemed strange.

 

**\- It fucking hurts.** She said, gritting her teeth.

 

And he could not change anything, anything except drive them safely, risking his own. In any case the last checkpoint was straight in front of them. Nick knew that the guards would not hesitate to shoot, he hoped that the cold outside would deter some from going out immediately. He glanced in his rearview mirror and said:

 

 

 

**-Hannah, I'm going to need you to get down, and you,** he said to the martha, **to lay down on the seats.**

Nick knew, they would shoot, and he wanted to prevent them from shooting each other. For June the situation was more delicate, he needed her.

 

**\- June .. I'm sorry, I'm going to need you to drive.**

**-What are you going to do ?** She asked, worried, her eyes uncertain.

**\- You keep an eye on the road and you try to bend over, cover yourself as much as possible.**

**\- Nick.**

**\- I will have to resort to certain means.** She gaves him a horrified look.

**\- I know, but it's where they or us, and forgive me, but I choose us.**

 

He grabbed with his left hand, the machine gun slid to one side, stolen earlier from the guard. It slows down, not to alert them, but people here, they would not be fooled, they had no right to go further. Nobody did it. At least initially they would ask questions. They would not shoot right away. He saw two go out, two others inside, on their guard. Their car was only a few feet away, June slid her left hand over the steering wheel, Nick grabbed the machine gun more firmly. He had to be fast and precise. The machine gun was, in fact, heavier than his glock, less precise, and above all he had less opportunity to handle it. He opened the window, letting biting cold into the cabin. He placed the stick against his shoulder, left hand placed under the barrel, the position very risky promised complicated shots. Nick did not hesitate any longer, otherwise they would have time to react. Quickly the bullets fired and he could hear Hannah's moans behind. He did not have time to focus on it, it was impossible for her to be touched, she was just scared. The car, on the other hand, was riddled with only one standing up, which called for back up. But here .. Nobody would come, Nick pulled the trigger again anyway. He could have shot them in the legs, but that would have simply delayed their death. At this distance, nobody would be there before a long time, shoot in the legs simply promised a long agony, if the right was touched, the bullet would go up to the heart and would end with death. As much to spare them that. The thought had been bitter, but logical. And these people were not saints, if even Gilead's government had posted them so far .. That implied things, they were not dumb.

 

*

 

When June gave him the steering wheel he had seen her fall back on the seat. Nick had seen perfectly well that she was bleeding, but again, he had to drive, and if he focused on her bleeding it would drove him crazy. He was also bleeding, a bullet had crossed his left shoulder, but the wound was superficial, the adrenaline in his blood allowed him not to focus on the pain. Nick knew that technically they had just crossed the border, nothing was indicated anymore, but given the distance to the last checkpoint, if they had not passed it, it was only a question seconds.  
Nick spotted the customs office watching them arrive, suspicious of the vehicle. He stopped and jumped out of the vehicle.

**\- I have a handm .. woman who will give birth and deeply bleeds !**

The officers reacted quickly and called an ambulance. The martha and Hannah got out of the car. The officers looked at Nick strangely. Because of what they knew about Gilead, Nick was absolutely not supposed to be there, to have made so many people escape at one time. He did not care, opened the door and grabbed June's hand. She gave him a weak "thank you". He just squeezed his hand between his. The sound of the siren alerted them. They could all relax.

 

 


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ! This part was hard to translate, I'm pretty sure to know where in the part it is weird but if anyone got it, please leave a comment and I'll correct, because I have no idea of how am I supposed to translate it x)

When Nick opened his eyes he was at first surprised to find himself in a white room, a monitor on his right, and to be perfused. When he tried to get up, his left shoulder called him to order. He frowned, turned his head and .. That's right. They ran away, he took a bullet .. _June, how is she? The baby ?_ When he looked around the room, he noticed that he was handcuffed to the bars of the bed, only his right wrist, but seriously? He saw a doctor and a nurse arrive. The medical staff greeted him, suspicious, Nick greeted them in return. 

 

**\- The bullet was already out. The injury will have no consequences in the long term, you've been very lucky.**

**\- I know thanks. I .. Handcuffs is mandatory? Can I see the woman I came with? The one who was pregnant, June.** He saw the doctor and the nurse exchange a look.

**\- We .. we don't know if we can trust you, you will understand well ..**

**\- I understand, but I assure you that I am not a threat to anyone, I would give all the information in my possession to consolidate a case against Gilead.**

 

The nurse approached him and he saw that she was changing his perfusion, her hands were flickering. He was a symbol of Gilead, but she made an attempt to approach. Good.

 

 **\- I need to see them. Please.** No sound. **Tell me at least if the baby made it out.**

**\- We can not gives you that kind of information, parents only..**

**\- Exactly.** The doctor did not understand at first. Then he got it. He called a member of the security team to remove the handcuffs. He had obviously convinced him.

 **\- The baby is okay, healthy, we were expecting complications because of the blood loss but nothing, they both are okay .. And hum ..congratulation it's a little girl.** Then the practitioner went away.

 

Congratulations .. He never expected to be told that for the birth of this baby. Everything was consolidated.

 

**-Thank you.**

**\- I'm going to get a wheelchair.**

**\- No need, I assure you, I will be fine, thank you.**

**\- Then I'll take you.** He nodded. Nick followed the nurse, he had to admit that it surprised him, he had just got out of Gilead. A nurse. A women. Habits die hard. But it was so nice.. The nurse knocked on the door, two floors above, she opened the door.

 **\- Someone wanted to see you.** She smiles and turned to Nick. **There is a lot of people.** Then she went off and let Nick go.

 

People, certainly her .. Husband, Hannah and Moira. Nick take a look. Yep. He was right. He did not know what to say. He had never been a talker, and there he did not feel in his place among them, and at the same time he had a twisted feeling that he had to affirm this place.

 

 **\- Hello.** Luke shook his hand, then added his second over it.

**\- Thank you, so much I .. I don't know how to thank you for everything you did, thank you ..**

 

Nick glanced at June, he swallowed. She had nothing to say yet. He did not know what he was supposed to answer. That he did that because he loved her? Because he had to take his child out of there? That he could not resist seeing June's pain, that the occasion was too good? Then he looked at Moira. She knew him. She had never spoken to him, but they had already met at Jezzabel. The image of the guardian, of the eye that he was, made that she simply nod at him. Finally he approached those he wanted to see. June had a small bundle in her arms, the wrapped blanket, plus the clothes, only let see tiny fingers.

 

 **\- Hey,** she whispered softly.

 **\- Hey.** At the edge of the bed he did not really know what to do, she read in him and patted the mattress, beckoned him to sit down.

 **\- How are you feeling ? You scared me, _again_.** Nick was desperate to touch his cheek with his fingertips, but the habit kept them from being touchy with people around, even more with Luke and Moira arround. Nick did not even know what she was going to do. The idea of being deprived of her, again, was squeezing his stomach, but he would respect her choice.

 **\- I'm fine. We're fine. Thanks to you ..** She touched his forearm with his fingertips. A doctor came into the room with papers in his hand.

 **\- Hello. I have the results of your little girl's exams.** Said the doctor looking at June. Nick turned to listen. **There is absolutely nothing to report, she is in perfect health, perfect weight and size.**

 

Nick and June did not even realize that they were holding their breath. The relief of hearing that, was the beginning of a new life. The doctor handed June the papers, which Nick grabbed as she had the baby in her arms.

 

**\- I give you that too, it's her birth certificate. We will have to return it to make his papers then, for the moment I leave you, good day.**

**\- June ..** Luke said. She raised her head and looked at him. He did not seem to be sure of his words. **You .. you plan to keep her ?** June frowned, Nick closed his eyes. He should have known he might not accept his daughter.

**\- Are you seriously asking me?**

**\- Listen .. I do not know what you've been through there, and even if this baby is innocent, she's from a rape ! You..**

**-Shut up.** June looked on the verge of nervous breakdown, Moira watching the scene seriously wondering if she was supposed to stand up. Nick meanwhile was waiting. If he interfered with it, it would make the situation worse and for the moment there was no need.

**\- I just got out of Gilead on the specific purpose, to prevent my daughter from growing up far from me, and you come to ask me if I intend to keep her?**

**\- But .. Hannah .. We just found her, how do you want to gathered with this baby in the middle of us ?**

  Nick swallowed. He began to venture on slippery ground.

**\- Listen, I think, we should have this discussion in family.**

A nervous laugh escaped from Nick's lips. He had to control himself for years, but his impulsiveness was likely to resurface very quickly. He knew he should not say anything, but .. there no. Luke looked at him strangely, Moira did the same. Hannah, feeling the tension in the room, was sitting on her chair, and June felt the rest of the discussion might be unpleasant.

 

 **\- This baby is not from a rape.** Luke glanced at Nick. Had not he told him a few months ago that she was from Waterford?

 **\- But ..** Nick and June looked at each other intensely. They did not need to talk, June needed to have a discussion with Luke alone.

**\- Can you take it, despite your injury?**

**\- I think so, yes.**

 

June put her head on the right, so that his left shoulder had very little weight. Nick stayed a moment to fix his daughter, did he hold her correctly? He glanced anxiously at June, who just smiled and nodded. Moira and Luke were spectators of their bubble. The connections were making in their brains, but Luke did not want to believe them.

 

 **\- Look what we made ..** June whispered, so low that she wasn't sure anyone except Nick heard it. He let out a half-laugh, half-sob, a tear rolling on his cheek. They looked one last time and Nick came out of the room, his little girl in his arms, followed by Moira and Hannah.

 

 

 


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm sorry this part is a bit shorter than the others. But this is kind of an important part for this small-story, so I'm posting it, and part 4 is arriving right away, just translating.  
> Thanks for reading it !

It had been ten minutes since Nick was in front of the bedroom door, he was walking, rocking at the same time his little girl. When she fluttered her eyes slightly, he could see her bluish look. He hoped she would keep the same eyes as her mother. He touched the little girl's cheek gently, tenderly. He never thought he would have the chance to do that, he always thought that if he wanted to cuddle her, he would have to do it during the night. She was so small, and her skin was so soft .. Moira came up from the cafeteria with Hannah.

 

 **\- Still talking?** She asked. Nick nodded. **So .. It's .. Your daughter?** Nick looked up at Moira.

**\- Yep.**

**\- You .. Wow .. And so you've never been caught ?** Nick frowned slightly, wasn't it a bit intrusive?

 **\- No, we've always been careful.** Moira nodded while frowning.

Nick did not know what to say to her, what he was supposed to tell her.

**\- So.. Who were you ?**

**\- The guardian and driver of Waterford and ..** He hesitated a moment, it could make him even more detestable.

 **\- You were an eye too huh? So you were the guy who gives the letters?** He nodded slowly. Moira nodded again. Luke came out at that moment, visibly upset. He looked at Nick from top to bottom.

 **\- You fucking ..** Nick preferred to go back to the room. He did not expect to be upset or fight in front of Hannah, and his daughter in his arms.

 

He found June, her face was tense. So, he approached and gently put the baby in the cradle. At first, they just looked into each other's eyes and smiled at each other. Then June exploded in tears. She began to raise her voice and tell incomprehensible stuff about what she's been through. Mentionning Serena, Fred and Eden. She was just evacuating, and he had nothing to say about it. She need it and she was allowed to.

Moira entered the room a little confused, and she understood. It was afterthougt, and childbirth did not help. Moira went a little closer to show her that she was was there. Ten minutes after June finished evacuating, she grabbed Nick's hand, looked up at him, and took him in his arms.

 

 **\- I will always keep you safe, no matter what I promise you. They will pay for all that.** He whispered against her skin.

**\- Thank you so much..**

 

They remained thus a few moments, taking advantage of their freedom of movement. Then Nick decided it was time to let June with Moira, Hannah was certainly with Luke, and it was a good time for the girls to have a discussion. He kissed her forehead, thumbing gently on her cheek. Then he went away, and kissed their daughter.

 

 **\- Holly. That's how I want to name her .. After my mum. I mean, if that's okay for you?** Nick turned to her to see that she was staring at him with hope.

 **\- Holly.** He rolled the name on his tongue. **That sounds good to me.**

 

Nick took Holly's birth certificate and filled it in, signed it and handed it to June. She signed it too, smiling. He had only let her fill in the family name, they had never discussed it, and when she returned it to him, he saw _"Holly Blaine - Osborne"_ he smiled, he laid the paper where he had taken it. Finally, he stroked his daughter's cheek one last time, and squeezed June's hand in his. He nodded to Moira and headed for his room.

 

*

 

Nick sees Luke, sitting in one of the waiting rooms. They just looked at each other, but none of the words they had to say were said.

Luke would take a long time to admit what was happening, just as Nick would have to get used to this new life. They were both going to have to be patient if they wanted to stay in June's life, they were aware of it. A sort of battle was going on between the two. June was not with either of them at the moment, she had herslef her own battles to fight. 

When he arrived in front of his room, some papers related to the rehabilitation -for his shoulder- were placed on the bedside table. He had just sat down on his bed, that someone knocked on the door. Two agents in suits entered his room.

**\- Mr. Blaine? We would have some questions for you.**

 

There we go.

 

*

**\- So she really is his daughter? Asked Moira, still disconcerted**

**\- Surprising huh?** June answered, a small smile on the corner of her lips.

**\- How did you do it seriously?**

**\- I'm not going to draw you a picture ..**

**- Fuck June!** They laughed.

**\- At first it's Mrs. Waterford, she realized that her husband was sterile so she suggested to Nick and me to have a sex for .. Then .. I found myself sneaking into his room at night .. But I have to say that he is reaaaaally good at this. Like.. Really. He's addictive ..**

**\- Yeah stop ! I don't want to hear anymore of it ! But..**   **damn they are so twisted, but he also in a way, at the beggining ...** June stopped her immediately.

**\- No. No, because this time I truly gave my consent. At first, I've tried to tell me that I was just doing this to survive, I was almost .. impatient. From then on, I had the feeling of cheating on Luke. He meant something. Nick already meant something at that time.**

**\- And the eyebrows did not stop you? Dare tell me that ..** Tried to joke Moira. June opened her mouth to protest and then Moira continued, **in fact.. if he was kind to you, if you cared for each other .. I'm glad he was there. Really.**

**\- He .. I would never have thought that I would found on a guardian, an eye moreover, what he means for me today.**

**\- You know you're going to have to make a choice?** June nodded in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it, plus I didn't really want to write through June perspective because I feel like I'm overhrowing - or kind of- Margaret Atwood's work. I don't know, I'm writting a Larry Stylinson story ( but not about the band as a music groupe) and I wouldn't be okay with someone else writting Louis 's POV you know ? Because I really built that character so this is why it can be a bit awkward. Margaret Atwood didn't write from Nick perspective, plus he's my favourite charchter of the show so this why I'm allowing it to myself. Anyway nobody cares x)


	4. Part 4

_3 months after their escape._

 

 

Nick and June had agreed that for Hannah to regain a semblance of stability, June would sleep at Luke's place - _not with Luke_ -, he had to restrain himself not to consider the possibility that these two would sleep together, and he knew that in a way.. He wasn't supposed to get jaleous, he was her husband. He take a deep breath. All of this was temporary, June did not see herself depriving Hannah of her father any longer and vice versa. The former guardian had been out for a month now, but he had only finished appointments with his physio.

  Today was going to be a busy day for him and it was only eight in the morning. He reviewed what he was supposed to do today.

 

_1) Last appointment with the intelligence._

_2) Go to the immigration center and try to find a job, which one? What domain ? He did not know, his military background had not really benefited him before, and all his expertise regarding Gilead would not help him either. Fuck._

_3) Go to Luke's place, see June and their daughter._

 

And all of that was going to take him the day. He let his head hit the table of the studio that had been assigned to him. The immigration center offered them accommodation for some time before they could fall back on their feet. Really, it suited him that they had one free, and deep down he knew full well that it also was to remove him from the center, it reassured them: his presence was not very well seen. His steaming coffee cup in front of him, he decided to let it cool down and go take a shower immediately. Like every morning since, he found himself as a jerk to not know what to put on. The few clothes that had been given to him seemed so normal now. The coat was not regulation and yet, his hands went to black jeans, a black tee-shirt and a black sweater. In truth the little affair he had been able to afford was black. He winced, he liked to dress in black, but everything could remind Gilead for other people. Then, in sign of effort he took blue jeans. Dark. Well, it was already a start.

 

He went back to the kitchen, and now his coffee was almost cold. Nick rolled his eyes and swallowed it in one go. This life was better than Gilead's, but his routine, he had to admit, was kind of missing him. He was used to have a little bit of authority in truth. He had never really used it, but it was surely a matter of habit. His appointments with what was left of the CIA now coupled with the intelligence of the country, did not really allow him to get out of his past. Once he was ready, he had to take the bus, he hated it. A good hour later, he returned to the huge glass building where he had spent hours. He showed his "visitor" badge at the reception, took the elevator to level 4 and waited in the waiting room. Fortunately he only had to wait for a few minutes, the officer whom he used to see called him.

 

After twenty minutes of summarizing information about the commanders, Gilead's operation in general and their escape, Nick expected to be released. But no. The officer, who was small, with graying hair and a rather friendly face, called someone. The woman who entenred into the room was black, the smooth black hair reaching her shoulders suggested some authority. She shake his hand.

 

**\- Good morning Mr. Blaine.**

**\- Hello..?**

**\- I came here,** well no name for the lady, **to ask you some further questions.**

He could not restrain his eyes from rising.

 **\- You did not stay long in the army.** He frowned this time. **I would like to discuss the reasons.**

 **\- Everything must be written in my file**. He said showing the folder on the table with his identity written on it.

**\- Yes, but I want to discuss with you about it.**

**\- No. No, I did not stay long in the army, I had some issues.**

**\- To manage your impulsivity, your anger, the authority in general .. And yet, you have survived, taken the lead, five years under the authority of many. How do you explain it?**

This time, his left eyebrow rose, he took a breath and looked down.

**\- I .. I do not know.**

**\- Today, you ran away from Gilead, for what reasons?**

This interrogation began to get on his nerves but he did not let anything appear.

**\- Because I just could not continue my life there.**

**\- Is June Osborne the reason?**

How could she know that anything was happening between them? At least, something had happened between them, because for the moment .. Nothing had been fixed.

 **\- Or, only your daughter mattered to you?** She continued. **Holly is that it? Does she carry your last name?**

What was it ?

**\- She also wears her mother's.**

**\- You are not afraid that your name will cause her harm one day?**

He swallowed and squeezed his teeth.

**\- We left because our life could not continue like that. If one day my name has to be a problem she will remove it, it will be her choice.**

**- Wouldn't you want her to wear it with pride?**

Nick narrowed his eyes. He had definitely taken a lot of wisdom during his years at Gilead, but this godamn woman was pumping his air.

**\- Have you received training in recent years?**

**\- The goal of the guardian, eye status reinforces that.** He answered, weary.

**\- Your profile interests us.**

What ?

 

*

 

When Nick came out of the office two hours later to judge his phone, _he really was not used to that_ , he looked for his pack of cigarettes in the left pocket of his long black jacket. He took a cigarette out of the package, lightened it, and inhaled a whiff of nicotine. Well finally .. He did not need to look for work anymore. He set out for Luke's apartment. This one was supposed to be at work, so he should not come across him-finally-every time Nick came to visit June and their daughter, Luke was circling them, not leaving them alone for five minutes. Even though they have been used to it, the situation really started to annoy him. It had been three months now and he wanted to rebuild himself. With them.

Arrived on the doorstep, he knocked, but the sound of the vacuum cleaner made him understand that he would have no answer. He opened the door quietly so as not to scare anyone, and returned timidly to the apartment. Holly was in a basket on the sleeping couch, Hannah by her side, wringing her hands, and when he saw June, he realized that something was wrong. Nick called her and with a start she turned to him. Her face relaxed and she stopped the vacuum. Neither of them really knew what to do, finally they took each other in their arms. June nibbled her head in Nick's neck, smelling his scent.

 

**\- How are you ?**

**\- I'll ask you the question, you looked tense.**

**\- It's just that I have to get used to it, do not worry**. Nick just nodded in response and headed for the couch, greeting Hannah, who just said "hello," and he took his daughter in his arms.

He knew that today, they will had to have a long conversation about many stuff. But first he just need to chill for a bit and try to gathered his mind. Nick was perfectly aware that after those three months she was certainly arrived to a mental breakdown. It would be completly normal. The shrink told him so, and June refused to see one. She was always stating that she was perfectly fine, but he knows her. He know that at some point she will be drown with her demons. For now he wasn't pushing her, but he wasn't aware of what Luke was doing to try to help her. Everty time he was here, she was barely paying attention to him. Actually she wasn't paying attention to no one except the girls and Moira. June was so absent, she wasn't her. At the beggining everything was fine, but then she was just falling, and now.. He didn't really know what he supposed to do, how was he supposed to help her if she wasn't accepting any help ?

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I don't know if this chapter is longer than the other but anyway here it is ! I haven't write the other yet, so I don't really know when it will come out, but it won't be long !

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave a comment !


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